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"I hate God..."

Issue #027, June 24, 2008

"I hate God and I don't want to go to heaven."

That's a quote from an email I received last weekend from a reader from the United States, who is angry because they are not married.

This person (who was anonymous, so I don't know if it's a male or female), said they had led a good Christian life but God had welshed on his promise and has not provided them with a spouse. They said their disillusionment had led them to stop reading the Bible and praying.

If we're honest, most of us Christian singles have felt that way. I certainly have. But is getting mad at God the answer? Are we forced into a life of bitterness and anger because we can't seem to get married? For years I thought that was the case, until God helped me see otherwise.

Here's the response I emailed back to this person:

    Thanks for writing. Believe it or not, I know exactly how you feel. From the time I was 20 years old, my greatest desire in life was to be happily married. Today I'm 57 and still single.

    Like you, I also followed a good Christian life and was sure God would reward me with a godly spouse. He didn't. Like you, I also became angry and bitter. I continually asked God, "Why not me?"

    To this day, I still have not received an answer, but at some point in my life, I got tired of being miserable. I got fed up with self-punishment and low self-worth. I decided that whether marriage happened or not, I was going to grab as much happiness as I could from life. About ten years after I made that decision, I started to help other Christian singles do the same.

    When my father died in 1995, my parents had been married 49 years. He was the love of my mother's life and she was devastated. But she is a very wise woman and said, "I made up my mind I wasn't going to be sad for the rest of my life." While she still misses Dad terribly, she has made the best of a bad situation and is a happy person. Other people are drawn to her like a magnet because she makes them happy too. As far as possible, she is enjoying her life.

    You are at a turning point in your life, just as my mother was and just as I was. It's time for you to decide: Do I want to be miserable or do I want to be happy? Other people quickly tire of feeling sorry for you when you choose misery. I know. They avoid you like the plague. You put yourself in an unnecessary torture chamber. Life doesn't have to be that way, but only you hold the key to that cell. You're the only one who can let yourself out.

    I urge you to do that, and to start rebuilding your relationship with Jesus. He wants you back. Part of loving him is trusting him no matter what happens. I can say that only because I wanted to be married too, and I'm not. My hurt and disappointment have been as great as yours, but God has restored my life because I chose him and happiness instead of misery.

    Maybe someday you will marry a person who has children and you'll have an instant family. Or maybe you'll remain single, like me. But with God, there's always hope, and there's always love, unconditional love. I urge you to choose God, hope, and happiness.

    Jack Zavada

How can singles control their anger?

Our lead article this month, like most articles on, is by no means a cure, but is intended to get you thinking and questioning. Once you recognize you have a problem and start looking for ways to solve it, you're on the way to real growth.

So check out these thoughts on controlling anger.

Other articles on this topic:

What's the harm in carrying a grudge?

How do you turn your hate over to God?

Is it possible to defuse job-related stress?

Jack's secret for cultivating patience.

June Poem: That doesn't work for me

Popping your cork
and getting shook up
is a foolish activity.
So I don't do that dance any more.
That doesn't work for me.

I like being cool,
calm and collected.
Relaxed is the best way to be.
I've given up on blowing my top.
That doesn't work for me.

I feel like I'm living
in paradise now.
Since I let go of all that debris.
I'm finished with tantrums, fits and conniptions.
That doesn't work for me.

Next time you're tempted
to tell someone off
and go on a nasty old spree.
Stop in your tracks and say to yourself,
"That doesn't work for me!"

Jack Zavada, 2008


Normally I don't use anonymous quotes, but this one made so much sense to me that I made an exception:

For every minute you are angry,
you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

Author Unknown

Isn't happiness what we're all after? I've said it before and will keep repeating it: Time doesn't stand still for any of us. It keeps moving--relentlessly--and you can never get it back. So if you choose to spend your time being honked off at somebody instead of forgiving them and moving on, it's your loss, not theirs. Anger gives other people, often people you don't even know, too much control over your life.

Anger turns you into a slave. Wouldn't you rather be free?

What confidence has to do with anger

Being self-confident is one of the surest ways to defuse anger. When your self-esteem is high, you're not easily offended. You don't take everything personally. You don't imagine enemies behind every bush and rock.

Single & Sure, my new ebook, is not only a master course in self-confidence, it's also a guidebook on how to let God work powerfully in your life. Sometimes you have to get out of the way before he can do his stuff, you know. It took me half a lifetime to learn that, and I pass on the most valuable, time-saving lessons from that experience.

Live happier. Live bolder. Live in such a way that your life is not constant turmoil, lurching from one crisis to another. Discover how to let God take control and steer you toward his magnificent plan for you. It's not only possible, it's his greatest desire for you!

Single & Sure is only available here. If you don't own a credit card, you can ask a friend to charge it then pay her back.

Start building the life of happiness and purpose you've always wanted with Single & Sure...

Well, that puts the lid on another issue of Inspire-O-Gram. Feel free to forward this issue to any of your friends or relatives who might benefit from it. And if you want to toss a bouquet or brickbat at me (verbally, of course), just use this easy contact form.

As you enjoy your summer (in the northern hemisphere, anyway), be sure to make time for Jesus every day!

Jack Zavada
401 Indiana Ave
Streator, IL 61364 USA