Our funny poems for singles may explain why some folks haven't gotten married!

Funny poems for singles. Or is it poems about funny singles? I'm not quite sure.

Let's just say that if you're not careful, you can get a little...weird. All right, you can get downright bizarre.

We've all seen them. Maybe we've even been them at some point in our life. They're the singles who are dead-set convinced that they're just fine, thank-you-very-much, and the rest of the world is weird.

There's an old saying that there's somebody for everybody, which may explain married couples who met at a Star Trek convention. Anyway, who am I to judge? So far there hasn't been anybody for me.

I'll be adding to these funny poems for singles right along, just as soon as I can figure out how to write them without getting nasty.

Say. What time does the next bus leave for the Star Trek convention, anyway?

Convenience store woman

You'll see her every night
on the outskirts of town
along with her buddies
just hangin' around.

She likes Slim Jims and Red Bull.
She's a parking lot queen,
a convenience store woman
juiced on grease and caffeine.

She thinks nachos are health food
that makes microbes depart
which explains why her cholesterol
reads clear off the chart.

She's got tattoos and piercings
in places unseen
and the words in her lexicon
would shame a marine.

A convenience store woman
who has no regrets
and thinks the culture at Pump 'n Go
is as good as it gets!

Shallow man

Just gimme a shallow man,
one to buy me stuff.
That's my plan.
He don't need no attention span.
I'm trollin' for a shallow man.

Just gimme a shallow man,
from Miami clear to Ketchikan,
I'm searchin' for a shallow man.

Just gimme a shallow man,
silk suits and a nice dark tan.
He's as brainy as raisin bran,
don't try conversin' with a shallow man.

Just gimme a shallow man,
I'll be the queen of Kazakstan,
enough bling to fill a garbage can
when you're the honey of a shallow man.

When you break up with a shallow man,
that constitutes your pension plan,
he even pays you for the moving van
to haul the plunder from your shallow man.

So find a shallow man and give it a whirl,
stick with him 'til you want to hurl,
you'll go together like a nut and a squirrel,
a shallow man and a shallow girl.

I love my socks!

I've got a big honkin' date,
it's past nine o'clock
and I'm in a panic
Cause I can't find my sock.

Hey I'm a cool guy
but I cause lots of shocks
see, my whole sorry life
revolves 'round my socks.

My wingtip shoes
look just like cuckoo clocks
but I pimp up my feet
with my hundred dollar socks.

Yeah, that's me--Mister Wonderful.
My life really rocks.
Say, do you think I'm weird
'cause I worship my socks?

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