Funny quotes for women will
de-stress your funny bone!

These funny quotes for women are hand-picked to give you a laugh--or a snort, if you're home alone staring at your computer. And if you're not home alone but you're staring at a computer, you could use a laugh.



All these laughers for women do not come from females. In fact, men say lots of funny things too, especially when they're trying to be serious.

Well, you didn't come here to read drivel from me. On to the funny quotes for women.



I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.
Gilda Radner

Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.
Unknown

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
Erma Bombeck

Mothers, food, love, and career: the four major guilt groups.
Cathy Guisewhite
funny quotes for women Life was so much easier when your clothes didn't match and boys had cooties!
Unknown

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
Fran Lebowitz

A true friend stabs you in the front.
Oscar Wilde

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Author Unknown

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
Jane Wagner

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner

People who snore always fall asleep first.
Author Unknown

My wife and I were happy for 20 years -- then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
Walt Disney

I believe in dragons, fairies, good men and other mythical creatures!
Author Unknown

A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby

(Unnecessary interruption in funny quotes for women.)

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Author Unknown

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
Rod Schmidt

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.
Warren Buffett

Before I met my husband I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
Josh Billings

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: 'What are you looking at?'
Margaret Smith

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?
Tom Snyder

Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.
Mae West

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
Minnie Pearl

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Edgar Bergen

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
Robert Byrne

Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years.
Author Unknown

I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Groucho Marx

You can't have everything... where would you put it?
Steven Wright

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
Katharine Hepburn

If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them.
Sue Grafton

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
Linda Ellerbee

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