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I'm so mad I could..."
July 14, 2021

July 14, 2021 Issue #184

Controlling anger: Vital for singles

Controlling anger has always been a necessity for a happy life, but that skill may be even more vital for singles.

Who among us doesn't live with frustration over not getting our needs met? I, for one, have felt many times that my situation is unfair. God's silence to my prayers has added to my discontent.

Hey, I'm human too, and have never claimed to have all the answers.

Years ago I realized I couldn't spend my days angry all the time. That's no way to live. I started looking for a solution. I found that mature people learn to control their anger and channel it into something worthwhile.

If the pandemic and other stressors have increased your irritation level, this month's feature article has some tips for you. As usual, it's based on the Butting-My-Head-Into-a-Brick-Wall School of Psychology, which I've employed over the decades. It's painful, but it does work.

Be sure to check out the full list of suggestions on controlling anger.

I don't want to hate

I don't want to do it.
I don't want to hate.
I don't want to be a part of that
so I don't take their bait.

"You must hate her, you must hate him!"
the TV people say
"Hate them 'til it makes you sick;
That's the only way."

No, it's not the only way,
and I won't go along.
Hate is not my duty.
Hate is simply wrong.

Shame on those who spread the hate
and mask it with their spin.
Hate's a cruel and filthy thing.
Let's face it: Hate is sin.

Did we forget the lesson?
The awful, painful cost?
It was hate and sin and evil
that nailed Jesus to the cross.

Will you be a hypocrite
or follow Jesus' plea?
"Love your neighbor as yourself.
Do this thing for Me."

~ Jack Zavada,, 2021 ~

Are you marriage material?

What makes more sense: dealing with your problems now, when you're single, or dragging them with you into your marriage?

Many single people believe marriage will solve their problems. Could that be why almost half of all marriages end in divorce?

Hope for Hurting Singles is a guide for facing common challenges like loneliness, anger, bitterness, depression, and shyness. You'll appreciate its practical, down to earth approach. No textbook theories here.

Hope for Hurting Singles is based on Jack Zavada's 50 years in the single life, where he learned what works and what doesn't through painful trial-and-error.

Hope for Hurting Singles comes in paperback and Kindle formats. It's written in a clear, conversational style. You'll start putting these strategies to work in your own life, saving years of experimenting on your own. Now there's value!

It's only $10.99 for paperback, $3.99 for Kindle version.

Order your copy today. When marriage comes, you want to be ready!

QOTM: 2 things to never be angry at

Dipping far into the past, we came up with July's Quote of the Month from English churchman and historian Thomas Fuller:

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help, and what he cannot help.

~ Thomas Fuller (1608-1661) ~

You would think Fuller had recently driven in my home town, where nobody seems to use their turn signals and many drivers think speed limits are only suggestions. Those things used to make me angry, but I cannot help them, so why waste my anger?

On the other hand, I get angry over human trafficking and the abuses in the American court system. I can help with those problems, if only in a small way, so I donate regularly to nonprofits that fight them. Every bit helps.

What makes you angry? Can you help stop it? Then do something positive. If it's something you cannot help, then learn to ignore it. Anger is a corrosive emotion unless we put it to good use.

This is your secret super-power!

Want to leap over tall Blahs in a single bound? Try enthusiasm!

One of the hazards of the single life is Rutitis, or getting in a rut and staying there. Familiar is comfortable, even if it's familiarly boring. Something about the pandemic made us lose our enthusiasm, but it doesn't have to be a permanent condition.

You: "So how can I get my enthusiasm back, Jack?"
Me: "I'm glad you asked!"

You start by believing you can get it back. Reject that "Ho-hum, what's the use?" excuse. This will take some confidence and effort on your part.

I have a little sign in my office that says "Do something different." That's a good start toward climbing out of a rut. Eat food you've never tried before. Go somewhere you've never been before. Hey, forward this newsletter to someone who has never heard of it—and that's most of the planet.

Do something kind for someone. The rush of happy chemicals you'll get inside your coconut will make you want to do it again and again. And, it makes Jesus smile.

Those are just a few starter suggestions on how to revive your enthusiasm. Check out this article for a whole boatload of ideas.

Does your face need a text message?

There's an old joke about Christians (which I updated), that if you really do have joy in your heart, your heart needs to send your face a text message to let it know.

Every person on Earth has reasons to be sad and we singles seem to have more, but we don't need to go around with a grouchy face. It doesn't help anything.

In Isaiah 53:3, Jesus was called a man of sorrows. He grieved for the sin on Earth. He was heartbroken about the people who rejected him, then he suffered terribly on the cross. But Easter morning, his joy was complete. Someone recently remarked that not once in the Bible does it mention that Jesus laughed. But that doesn't mean he never did. We don't have a complete record of every single thing Jesus did in his life.

Another commentator claimed Jesus is the happiest being in the universe because he did his Father's will perfectly. No one has done that before or since. That's good reason for him to be happy. That's why I included that drawing on the left.

As for you and me, we don't want to be phonies, putting on a fake smile to put up a front, but despite our troubles, we singles can still have joy in the midst of sorrow, knowing who we are in Christ and where we're going.

If I've learned anything in doing this newsletter over the past 15 years, it's that the single life is incredibly complicated, a combination of mountaintop moments offset by deep spiritual valleys. I'm learning every day, and when I discover something worthwhile, I pass it on to you.

Recently I learned that to have more great days, I need to focus less on myself and more on our great God. His love (remember the waterfall from last issue?) is the most spectacular gift in the universe. My troubles come and go, but God is with me all the time. Our True Companion. Yeah.

This is the spot where I invite you to comment on this newsletter. Do you read the whole thing? Do you only read the poem? Is it worth what you pay for it? (Just checking to see if you're paying attention.) Web site best practices require me to use a contact form, which, by the way, forwards your email pronto-toronto to my personal inbox. No extra effort on your part.

That's it for the July issue. I'll leave you with this quote from Billy Graham: "God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there."

Jack Zavada

PS: Not a Christian? Find out how to become one!

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