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If only you had...
October 22, 2019

October 22, 2019 Issue #163

Getting over regrets lets you move on

Did you ever look back and say, "If only I had…"

The human mind has invented all sorts of ways to torture itself, and regret is one of the most popular. We singles, who have too much time to think, often turn to regret to blame ourselves for the trajectory of our lives.

We regret things we did. We regret things we should have done but didn't. Sometimes we even regret not having been able to control a situation that was completely beyond our control.

Yep. We do that.

Regrets are anchors that hold us back. Toss out enough of them and your little ship stops completely, dead in the water.

How can singles get over regrets? How can you cut those anchor ropes so you can move on to the peace and happiness you want? For a few suggestions, read this month's feature article on getting over regrets.

What might have been

At bed time when the lights go out,
I travel to the past,
And think about the people
And the things that didn't last.

I dwell on bad decisions
Or when I was not to blame.
But no matter how I cut it
Every time it's still the same.

I'm caught up in
What might have been.
A life that never was.
I spend my time in make believe,
That's what my poor mind does.
But you can't pin your destiny
On dreams of long ago.
Just ask me and I'll tell you
'Cause I'm someone who should know.

The heart can only take so much
Before it will rebel.
So I stopped my nightly visits
To my little man-made hell.

I don't go back there any more
I found a better way.
My hope lies in the future,
Not the dust of yesterday.

I was caught up in
What might have been.
Obsessed with days gone by.
But you can't change what might have been
No matter how you try.
Forget what's past and find fresh dreams.
Set out for something new.
Live life looking forward;
It's the only thing to do.

~ Jack Zavada,, 2019 ~

Is loneliness a problem for you?

Do you struggle with loneliness? You can get real, practical help, right now, by reading the entire chapter on loneliness from Hope for Hurting Singles f'ree as our way of introducing you to Jack's paperback book.

Don't worry! There's no tracking, no address capture, no malware, just real-world, proven solutions to the common problem of loneliness. To read this sample chapter online, go to Loneliness Chapter and enjoy!

Hope for Hurting Singles contains so much more. Author Jack Zavada took his 40 years' experience in the single life—his mistakes as well as the positive lessons he learned—and condensed them in this clear, easy-to-read book.

When it comes to books for singles, do you really want to read a book by a pastor who's been married all his adult life, or somebody who has actually dealt with the problems you're facing?

No-brainer, eh?

In this paperback book (or Kindle version) you'll find practical advice on:

  • Loneliness
  • Shyness
  • Depression
  • Fear
  • Bitterness
  • Self-esteem
  • Peace of Mind

Hope for Hurting Singles shows you how to fix your faulty thinking and replace it with clear-eyed truth that will move your life forward.

Hope for Hurting Singles is only $10.99 in paperback and $3.99 for Kindle at

Pulsifer provides October's QOTM

October's Quote of the Month comes from inspirational author Catherine Pulsifer, who writes for

Don't live your life regretting yesterday. Live your life so tomorrow you won't regret today.
~ Catherine Pulsifer ~

The best way to avoid future regrets is to live a life of kindness and integrity now. The Bible got it right when it said: "A man reaps what he sows." (Gal. 6:7, NIV) One of the greatest unlearned lessons is that actions do have consequences. They're not always immediate, they're not always visible, but they do show up.

When we're young, we do a lot of harmful, stupid things and use our inexperience as an excuse, when the true cause was selfishness. The more you can drive selfishness out of your life, the fewer regrets you will have later.

Before you regret opportunities not pursued in the past, remember that you did the best you could with the information and maturity you had at the time. You can't live your life over, but you can be a factor in your future.

Emotional time machine: Shortcuts to maturity

What if you had a sort of "emotional time machine," a way to jump into the future, get all kinds of experience and maturity, then bring it back to the present with you, so you could benefit from it the rest of your life?

Well, time machines don't really exist —at least not now, anyway—but there are some shortcuts to maturity. The real problem with them, however, is that we tend not to value something we didn't work for.

One of the benefits of is that you can profit from my mistakes and experience.

So, leap ahead a few decades and take these shortcuts to maturity.

What if God actually spoke to you?

When you ask God a question, why doesn't He audibly speak to you like your friends do?

I've been thinking about that a lot lately, and I came up with a few reasons why God is silent. First, you might think you were hearing imaginary voices. You'd worry you were going insane. Second, even if you were convinced it was really God, your friends and family would probably think you were going insane. Third, it would scare you so much you might go insane. Seriously. Fourth, you'd probably discuss it with your friends and get their opinions and some of them would tell you to do the opposite. And fifth, you probably wouldn't like what you heard from God.

We see examples of those reactions in the Bible. People made fun of prophets who had actually heard from God. Sometimes they even killed them. People got so afraid when they heard from God or angels that they fell on their face. Moses, Gideon and Jonah were so upset with what God told them that they tried to weasel their way out of it. None of us would want to repeat Jonah's fishy experience.

To spare us that terror, God speaks to you and me in a different way: through his Word, the Bible. The Bible contains two things that do not change. It has timeless truths, principles that tell us how God operates. It also reveals God's character, which is the same today as it was when Scripture was written.

When you know that God always fulfills his promises, hates sin and values trust in him, and when you know God is gracious, forgiving, and righteous, you can be sure he hears your prayers.

We don't always get what we pray for because we live in a sin-stained world. I can't explain why things work out the way they do, but I know Jesus promised justice and happiness in heaven. Only then will we understand.

I read my Bible every day. The Holy Spirit helps us understand it and apply it to our lives. I don't get scared, I don't feel crazy, and I don't argue with God over it. I still get confused at times, but I much prefer this method than hearing His voice booming down from heaven.

If you would like to speak to me via email, you can do that with our confidential contact form.

That, single friend, is your October Inspire-O-Gram. Here in Illinois, USA, the autumn trees are beautiful and November is just ten days away, which means Christmas is heading toward us like a runaway freight train!

Until next issue, I hope you'll live in the present, look forward to the future, and let the regrets of the past stay there.

Jack Zavada

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