Controlling anger is absolutely necessary to a happy life

Controlling anger is absolutely necessary if you want to have a life free from constant turmoil.

It's easy to get mad in today's world. Let's face it: Some days it feels as if you have a hundred little demons gnawing on your from every side. Something sets you off, and before you know it, a bad day takes on a life of its own.

It's no way to live.

What do you do when minor irritations turn into threatening monsters? Is it realistic to believe you can take charge again when things are going so wrong?

Start here

If you've read many of the articles on this web site, you know that I strongly advocate seeing your medical doctor when you have an emotional problem that's dominating your life.

Over the past 40 years, medical research has proven conclusively that conditions ranging from anger, to depression, to anxiety can have biological, chemical causes.

It's not a weakness to take medication to correct these chemical imbalances, and it's not unscriptural to use the services of a physician. After all, the disciple Luke was a medical doctor, and Jesus himself said that sick people need a physician.

So go to your doctor first. Tell him or her you're having trouble controlling anger. Describe the things that get you upset. Tell your doctor how long your flare-ups last and what you feel like doing when you get them. Don't hold back. Be honest. Your doctor will not be shocked or surprised. If he or she prescribes medication, be open-minded enough to give it a fair try. It could just be the solution you need.

You may need an anger management resource. These types of programs aren't just for road-ragers or physical abusers. Anyone who wants to constructively deal with destructive feelings can benefit from them, so don't be prejudiced.

Learning to face reality



Jack's truths for thriving.

You can't escape aggravation, so you better
learn how to deal with it effectively.


The key to that truth is "effectively." Suppressing or "stuffing" anger usually makes it pop up in another area. It's like trying to hold a beach ball underwater.

You may think you're successful controlling anger, but maybe your solution has turned you cynical or bitter. In those cases you've merely exchanged anger for a bad attitude.

Blowing up is pretty ineffective too, as I'm sure you've found out. At the moment it may feel satisfying, but it can have disastrous consequences. It can also be life-threatening.

Don't feel picked on

Often we single people can feel as if everybody's out to get us, or that we're just a bad luck person. That's a victim mentality we need to get away from.

Life's irritants are equal opportunity stressors. They attack everybody. So how do some people remain calm and serene while others are continually popping off?

Surprisingly, the answer lies in your level of self-esteem. If you have low self worth, you may perceive every slight as a personal insult or disrespect, when it was completely unintentional on the other person's part. Even if they were deliberately being rude, you don't have to automatically respond in kind. Somebody has to act like an adult, if if that's the role you take, you'll find less stress on yourself.

As you work on raising your self-confidence, you'll discover most things are extremely tiny pebbles, bouncing harmlessly off the armor of your healthy self-image, rather than the boulders you used to think they were.

But that takes time.

What's worth getting angry over?

For the most part, it pays to let yourself get angry only over things you can change or help to change. You can get angry over the high price of gasoline, but you're pretty much wasting your energy (no pun intended).

You can get angry over government waste, but you can do a small part to change it by voting for candidates who pledge to stomp it out. You can get angry over world hunger, and donate to organizations that help relieve it.

You can get angry over bad drivers, but you can't change them. What you can change is your own driving habits, so you don't give other drivers cause to get angry at you.

Controlling anger is a lifelong challenge that we usually succeed with but occasionally fail in as well.

Maturity is accepting the truth that the irritants in this world aren't going to change to accommodate you; you need to change to accommodate them. When you take that perspective, controlling anger becomes a challenge that's doable.

More about anger...



Return to top of controlling anger.