Being jealous of couples doesn't take you where you want to be

If you're jealous of couples, you're not alone. Millions of singles feel that way, wishing they were in a loving relationship.

I've often felt that way myself. I used to see a happy couple and think, "Why them and not me?" Did you ever ask that?

Realistically, though, jealousy is a corrosive emotion. It eats away at your insides, making you less than you should be. The big question is, how do we overcome this natural response? What can we do to control these feelings of envy?

When you're jealous of couples' happiness

It's easy to think, "If I were in a relationship, everything would be great. Then I could be happy."

Maybe, but being half of a couple, like getting married, really will not solve all your problems. There are some things we need to work on by ourselves.

Loneliness is a problem for all singles--for all human beings, actually. Being in a relationship can help, but it might not cure a loneliness problem. Many people in relationships or in marriages are still lonely, believe it or not. Overcoming loneliness takes reaching out, whether it's to a member of the opposite sex or to a friend of your own gender. Most of the time, people will not come to you, so it's in your best interest to make the first move.


That takes a lot of courage, more than some people can muster. We don't want to look like fools, and we're afraid of rejection. But anything worthwhile involves taking a risk. What's the worst that can happen? We'll be the same as we were before we reached out, not worse off. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as they say.

We all know that relationships are fun and that they can bring satisfaction and happiness, but while you're waiting for one, work on correcting some of your own character quirks instead of being jealous of couples.

Be kind to yourself. Go slowly. None of us is perfect and we never will be. God will help you smooth out your rough edges if you ask him. You can't go wrong if you focus being kind.

Feeling jealous of couples' security

We look at couples and think everything is going well for them. We see them laughing and hugging each other and long for that kind of closeness. That's a good thing. Wanting that is a positive emotion.

Sadly, relationships come and go quickly in our culture. If you jump into one just to be in one, well, that usually ends miserably. Or there's a lot of misery on the way to that miserable end. There's no shortage of selfishness out there.

I'm not trying to sound like sour grapes here, but as we all know, happy relationships are hard to come by. We've all had our share of the other kind.

It's better to be careful and selective
and build a relationship that will last,
rather than be part of a
couple for the wrong reasons.

Wanting to be part of a couple to feel security or because that's what your friends are doing are wrong reasons. Sex is a wrong reason. Trying to escape boredom is a wrong reason.

When does the jealousy end?

As your confidence and sense of self-worth grow, a time will come when you can look at a happy couple and feel happy for them instead of being jealous.

That may sound like a stretch to you now, but I can assure you it's true. I see couples and young families and that makes me very happy now. I didn't always feel that way. Even if I never get married, I don't begrudge other people their happiness.


Sometimes we feel desperate, but there's time for you, I assure you. God has a strange way of turning things around in an instant. The truth is he's been working behind the scenes for years, lining things up for just the right moment.

So please stop being jealous of couples. Work on your own life. Keep praying. Keep hoping. Do some things to get your life out of a rut. Ask God for courage then step out. God rewards those who put their faith in him. He just might set you down smack dab as half of a deliriously happy couple!

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