Feeling disconnected: strange but common among singles
Feeling disconnected is an eerie but common sensation among single people. Often it seems as if we're outsiders, never really a member of the club, whatever the club is.
Ironically, millions of people depend on their cell phone to keep them connected to family and friends, but there's a secret shallowness to that. It allows us to be with them without really being with them.
There is more to this emotion than simple loneliness. It's a deep-down estrangement from the rest of the world, as if we're the only zebra in a vast herd of horses. We don't fit in.
Let's find out what's happening.
When feeling disconnected goes deeper
Although everyone faces alienation from time to time, it's more acute in singles. We're forced to do many activities alone--things that would be more fun with a friend or spouse.
Even mundane chores like shopping for groceries can be frustrating if we think it's no fun cooking for one. The attitude of "why bother?" can creep in very easily.
In our introspective moments, we ask serious questions about life. We wonder what the point is without someone to share things with. We struggle to stay motivated. We need a reason to get up in the morning.
Feeling disconnected is especially intense around holidays. If we're not vigilant, this sort of pessimism can give way to depression.
But like many exercises in self-knowledge, tough questions can be valuable. They lead us to re-think what matters in life and whether we're pursuing that instead of just drifting along.
Your true purpose may surprise you
One of the struggles I've had to deal with as a single is a sense of purpose. Early in my career, I thought my purpose was to make my employer as successful as I could. Then, as is often the case, my job went sour. A company that had been a great place to work changed, for the worse. Employees were exploited and I began to feel like a tool.
Certainly that wasn't true at every place I was employed, but it happened often enough that I had to reconsider my expectations of the workplace.
We put so much of our passion into our work. I always remained conscientious and gave my employer my best effort, but I gradually came to see my career was not my purpose in life.
Married people find great fulfillment devoting themselves to their spouse and family. That's a worthy goal, but a devastating sense of feeling disconnected can happen if there's a divorce or a spouse dies.
Over the years I noticed a pattern. Jobs come and go, friendships come and go, but Jesus Christ is constant. Now you may flinch when I bring up his name, but my duty on this web site is to tell you the truth as I understand it, not to lie because I'm afraid of offending you. I put the truth out as plainly as I can.
Here's one truth you can depend on:
Jesus is the only connection you can count on
through your entire life.
You can fight that with all your might, and there were times when I did too. But I'm a realist. I searched decades for the truth and Christ is what I found.
The question of trust
If you're still with me, here's a surprising revelation: Despite the truth of that statement above, there are still times when I feel disconnected. That bothered me for years until I discovered that my feelings are not reliable. Feelings are not facts, and I don't have to live my life as if they are.
This is one of the hardest lessons we all have to learn: We cannot always trust our feelings. Most of the time they're so strong we react as if they must be right. It's only after you trust your heart a few times and learn it was completely wrong that you start questioning that guide.
Emotions are a wonderful gift. Life would be dreary without them. But I will believe the Bible and the promises of Jesus every time when it's a contest between the Word of God and my feelings.
That means your connection with God is still there, whether you can feel it or not. God still loves you whether you feel it or not. You are always valuable and precious to God, whether you feel that way or not.
We singles struggle with this connection problem most of our life, overlooking the unbreakable bond we already have: to Jesus Christ as our friend and Savior.
The good news is that Jesus didn't just save you on the cross 2,000 years ago. Through his Holy Spirit living inside you, he continues to save you every day, from loneliness, fear, frustration, and all the other temptations that attack us.
When you're alone, you can talk to God out loud, and I encourage you to try that. No, you won't get an audible reply, but he is listening. He's right there with you, connected.
God said,
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5, NIV)
He meant it. He cannot lie. You're all right. You're not strange at all. You're anchored to the Rock and that chain can never break.
