Being single and sick doesn't have to be a terrifying experience

Being single and sick is one of life's most frustrating situations, but we have more control over it than we may first think.

I speak from experience. As you're reading this, I'm undergoing treatment for prostate cancer. This is the second time I've had cancer.

Single and sick: Being real

I began to doubt whether I would survive the cure. For three months I had daily diarrhea, vomiting, and breathing problems. My weight dropped to 110 pounds. When you're single and sick and have your whole life ahead of you, battling cancer is pretty scary business.

The treatments kept the cancer from spreading. After five years I was considered cured. However, for the next 20 years I suffered from irritable bowel syndrome because of the intense radiation.

Maybe that's more than you care to know. I just want to give you the background so you know my lessons on being sick come from firsthand experience.

I know the frustration, the depression, and the overpowering fatigue of chronic illness. I also spent a lot of time arguing with God.

Single and sick: Is there an answer?

The closest thing to an answer came from a wise Catholic nun who I met in the hospital. She told me that human beings have an animal nature, and all animals get sick. It wasn't really satisfying, but you can't argue with a fact.

Maybe the experience touched off my determined quest for God. I began reading the Bible in earnest, praying more, and listening to Christian radio.

The more God revealed himself to me over those 34 years, the more I became convinced of one life-changing truth:

But as far as illness or disability are concerned, they are not a punishment from God. I don't know the reason for them, but I know what they're not.

I didn't always believe that, but over the years that's what I came to learn.

Single and Sick: The mystery of suffering

We can waste a lot of precious energy and time repeating that "Why?" question. I did. Don't you waste time and energy you could put to better use. Learn from my mistake. Don't go there.

Single and Sick: What you can control

That's why I'm so sold on God and Jesus Christ. I couldn't face this current cancer on my own, but thank God I don't have to.

I've learned that God is real, he loves me, and he'll pour all the power into my spirit that I need. When the going gets tough, that's what really counts.

My family and friends have always stood by me and encouraged me, and they're doing that now. I hope you have that same kind of support. Don't be too proud. Accept the help people want to give you. They're trying to be Jesus to you. Let them.

Your spirit, that secret place inside you, is your bastion of stength against whatever you face. It can grow weary too, so don't give up on praying or asking God for strength. He'll recharge your spiritual batteries.

You can rest in God when you're too weak to pray. He understands. Of course, you don't have to be physically sick to go to God for strength and comfort. He'll help you in your emotional illness as well.

Being single and sick doesn't have to overcome you. I fully expect to complete my treatment and keep doing what I'm doing. But I can't do anything worthwhile by myself. You and I can only make it with the love and help of God. Never forget that.

When times get tough...

• Live in 'day-tight' compartments. Set your goal to make it until bedtime. Live one day at a time, not regretting the past or worrying about the future. Jesus said each day has enough trouble of its own.

• Look at the cross. If you have doubts that God loves you, get a small cross and hang it in your home where you'll see it every day. The Father sacrificed his only Son for you, and Jesus volunteered for the punishment we deserve so his followers could be saved. No matter what happens to you, the cross confirms God's unending love for you.

• Don't lose your sense of humor. Laughing actually releases good chemicals into your body. It's true! Besides that, it's like a cool drink of water for a thirsty spirit.

• Don't worry about praying. Sometimes you're in so much pain you can't concentrate to pray. Some of our best prayers are simply the name "Jesus" or "Father" repeated over and over. They know what you need. They care. They hear the wordless cry from your heart.