Our clean limericks will make your day a little happier

When the world gets too scary, our clean limericks are just the thing to help you escape reality for a few minutes.

They're not just for St. Patrick's Day; in fact, there's not an Irish poem among them. Read 'em any time. Re-read 'em when you need a booster shot of silliness.

I wrote these little poems to add a bit more fun to the site. I hope you enjoy them. I also hope you'll tell your friends, neighbors, and even relatives about this page.

How cool would viral clean limericks be?


A manatee with grass in its jaw
brought a scream from a tourist named Shaw.
"I'm not insane,"
he tried to explain.
"I thought it was my mother-in-law!"


A sewer worker named Blinky
was crude, unlettered and stinky.
But he learned to fit in
with food on his chin,
by simply extending his pinkie.


A brash young Aussie named Lou
adopted a wild kangaroo.
Lou thought they would box,
but it knocked off his socks.
So Lou gave the 'roo to a zoo.


A musher from north of Toronto,
found a bone that belonged to a bronto.
His sled dogs ran back
'cause they fancied that snack.
And chewed up that fossil real pronto.


A farm wife whose name was Shirley,
got up so outrageously early
that she caught the dickens
from a mean flock of chickens.
Those Leghorns can get pretty surly!


A rapper named Cantaloupe,
thought his lyrics exceedingly dope.
When his moms heard his song,
she said, "This is wrong."
And washed his mouth out with soap.


Nebuchadnezzar was an evil old king
who worshiped himself and his bling.
But he made God mad,
and folks, that's bad.
Now grazin' in the grass is his thing.


A fellow named Smith up in Queens,
was a terrorist of no small means.
But he let out a cough,
and his bomb went off.
They found him in smithereens.

A TV preacher named Poe,
wore a toupee wherever he'd go.
A tornado one night
made his wig take flight.
What a strange-looking UFO!


A genius named Albert was canny,
but not as neat as his granny.
He cursed and he swore
at the trash on the floor,
when he slipped on the peel of a banany.


A high-flying gambler named Lucky,
considered himself pretty plucky.
But things were not jake,
when he lost his whole stake.
Now he shovels manure in Kentucky.


An ice fisherman in Green Bay,
was out on the lake one day.
He got a big bite,
and it put up a fight—
for a tire from an old Chevrolet.


A loudmouthed bully named Bernie,
signed up for an MMA tourney.
He thought he was tough,
but he had the wrong stuff,
and they wheeled him out on a gurney.

Tex liked to sing in the saddle,
but his voice made the coyotes skedaddle.
He sang so off-key,
it withered a tree,
and then stampeded the cattle.


Jill was a fitness fanatic.
Exercise made her very ecstatic.
She went into a tizzy,
when all the treadmills were busy,
and shouted "This is undemocratic!"


There was a wise monk in Tibet,
who learned not to worry or fret.
He sat in his cave,
contemplating his nave--
an outie that wards off regret!


A mapmaker named Mercator,
drew a line and called it Equator.
But his critics did scoff,
'cause his survey was off.
It made Earth look like a big 'tater.


There was a young fellow in Turkey,
who consumed too much beef jerky.
The treat was so greasy,
his stomach got queasy.
He moaned, "I'm not feeling so perky."


An atheist named Monroe,
died from acute hammertoe.
The snarky mortician
was no politician,
quipping "All dressed up and no place to go."


A dull-witted clod named Otto,
thought he could succeed at the Lotto.
He spent so much on tickets
he came down with rickets,
'cause he couldn't afford an avocado.


A thoroughbred horse named Topper
was ridden by a New York City copper.
The steed stopped in the road,
and let loose a load,
while a dowager huffed, "How improper!"



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