These odd quotes are just strange enough to convince you the world's off-kilter

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Our odd quotes may be good for a laugh. Or they may make you scratch your head.

Some are funny, some will make you say, "Aha!" and others will make you wonder why we included them in this collection.

Odd quotes come from two sources: odd people saying things that are normal for them, and normal people saying things that are odd for them. Either way, the actual quotations strike everyone as off-kilter.

You may be odd yourself--because most people skip this introduction and go right to the quotes themselves. But hey, who am I to judge?

Enough of this, already. Now, enjoy!

Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Carole Burnett

If we live long enough, something wears out. I don't care how much hot oatmeal you eat.
Lucille Joel, RN

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.
George Orwell

rubics nightmare

Even more odd quotes...

A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice.
E.W. Howe

They certainly give very strange names to diseases.
Plato

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
Leo Tolstoy

The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.
Lily Tomlin

It's possible to drive from here to California and stay at more or less the same motel the entire way.
Ian Frazier

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.
Plato

Lots of old people don't get wise, but you don't get wise unless you age.
Joan Erikson

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Redd Foxx

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.
Woodrow Wyatt

I just turned on the nonchalancy.
Yogi Berra

We are meant to be addicted to God, but we develop secondary addictions that temporarily appear to fix our problems.
Edward M. Berckman

odd-quotes-woman

It's so much easier to pray for a bore than to go and see one.
C.S. Lewis

Don’t be so humble — you're not that great.
Golda Meir

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven't committed.
Anthony Powell

I've talked about myself long enough. Now you talk about me.
Lionel Shapiro

Better shun the bait than struggle in the snare.
John Dryden

Yeah, for some reason parrots have to bite me. That's their job. I don't know why that is. They've nearly torn my nose off. I've had some really bad parrot bites.
Steve Irwin

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
Dalai Lama

If you let your head get too big, it'll break your neck.
Elvis Presley

I used to wake up at 4 a.m. and start sneezing…must be an allergy to consciousness.
James Thurber

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
Eric Hoffer

You get all the French fries the President can't get to.
Al Gore

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then Success is sure.
Mark Twain

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
George McGovern

To swear off making mistakes is very easy. All you have to do is swear off having ideas.
Leo Burnett

Reality continues to ruin my life.
Bill Watterson (Calvin & Hobbes)

People who are very beautiful make their own laws.
Vivian Leigh

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
Fran Lebowitz

Nobody talks so constantly about God as those who insist that there is no God.
Heywood Broun

It is an irony that the more possessive you are, the more love you demand, the less you receive, while the more freedom you give, the less you demand, the more love you will receive.
Harold H. Bloomfield

They turn on television in rest homes because after you've watched it a while, death doesn't seem so awful.
Garrison Keillor

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