Overcoming shyness can be accomplished in small steps

Overcoming shyness seems like an impossible challenge because you have to be bold and assertive to do it. The thing you fear most is what you need to do.

But like any other worthwhile accomplishment, you can take it in small steps. That's the key to meaningful change.

Let's say you're learning to play a musical instrument. You wouldn't take one lesson and expect to be a virtuoso, would you? That's just not realistic.

The same holds true with overcoming shyness. Small victories lead to bigger ones. Master one skillset, then move up to the next.

Let's look at some practical, doable steps to making this change.

Overcoming shyness: A secret

When you're shy--and I had a severe shyness problem myself--you tend to be in awe of people who project an air of poise. But they may not be as sure of themselves as you think.

You've overlooked one of life's most important secrets. Confident people are merely acting out what they want to be true. They're still fearful, yet going ahead in spite of their fear. They've become bigger than their fear.

Recently, while watching a network news program on TV, I saw the anchor interview one of the news correspondents who has been on the show for many years. This correspondent has a talent for taking complicated economic issues and making them easy to understand.

I noticed that when the correspondent picked up a paper to make a point, his hand was shaking.

Here was a veteran broadcaster who has been in front of TV cameras for years and was in a friendly setting, yet was inwardly nervous about it. It just proves that overcoming shyness may be an intimidating battle, but it can be done.

Recognize others' importance

One effective way to build your confidence is to talk to strangers. Of course you have to keep your own safety in mind, but most people are inwardly lonely and are receptive when someone shows genuine interest in them.

Start with store clerks and cashiers. Go beyond the usual "Hi" or "How are you?" I've found that busy cashiers are startled--in a good way--when you answer their question, "How are you?" with "I'm doing well today. How are you doing?"

Most customers treat cashiers like a machine, no different from the cash register. We all like to be acknowledged as important, somebody worth talking to. Jesus respected everyone.

Getting a positive response from strangers will encourage you to reach out more often and in an honest, caring way. I'm almost always pleasantly gratified when I affirm another person's value.

This is what Jesus wants us to do. Loving others means taking an interest in them, seeing them as a real person who has worth.

Where'd my fear go?

When you're serious about overcoming shyness, you'll find that most of your worries never come to pass.

Oh, sure, you'll occasionally be snubbed or snapped at by someone, but that's their problem, not yours. And even when it does happen, you'll quickly realize, "Hey, that wasn't so bad. And I didn't die!"

Whether it's going on a first date or being in a work situation with a person you don't know, you'll discover people can be extraordinarily kind if you give them the chance.

In some ways, overcoming shyness is like breaking in a new pair of shoes. At first they're stiff and uncomfortable, but the longer you wear them, the more flexible the leather becomes, and before you know it, you don't even know you've got them on.

With any challenge in life, we blow the scary part out of proportion and all but forget the good part. Like anything else, confidence can be learned, practiced, and improved. The best learning comes from doing. Once you start reaching out, the next time becomes easier.

What's the worst that can happen? A coworker isn't going to shoot you because you talk to them. No one's going to bark at you if you say, "Good morning. How's your day going?

An unexpected source of courage

The Holy Spirit is our Great Enabler, helping us do what we can't do on our own. Sadly, we don't call on him in everyday situations, thinking he doesn't care.

Just the opposite is true. God is invested in your life and wants to help. Nothing is too minor for him to get involved. You can ask him for courage. You can also seek his comfort if a situation goes sideways. God is proud of you when you try.

Remember how God changed the lives of shy people like Moses, Gideon, King Saul, and Jeremiah the prophet. He took the meek and made them heroes. Their shyness was mentioned in the Bible for a specific reason: so we can identify with them.

We worship a God who lives inside us. He gets into our heart and mind, empowering us in supernatural ways. Overcoming shyness in you is a dramatic way for him to express his love. God's command to Joshua was, "Be strong and courageous."

God wants this for you too. Don't give up. When you have a setback, learn from it and be prepared for next time. You don't have to hide all your life. There's a brave, adventurous person inside you, eager to burst out!