Should you be happy all the time?
Should you be happy all the time? Millions of people are convinced that's the main goal in life.
But you're no dummy. You're smart and know that nobody can live up to that, no matter what promises they believe. The shocking part, which we'll discuss later, is that even Christians can't be happy all the time.
In this article we'll look at some of our expectations and the tactics people commonly try, to improve their circumstances. Some work, some don't.
What most singles never get is that it's not actually happiness we're looking for. Happiness is a temporary state, dependent on circumstances, so it comes and goes. As circumstances change, happiness increases or decreases.
What are we seeking, then? Keep reading and we'll get to it.
The need for sadness
Have you ever considered that there are times when you need to be sad? It's true.
When a romance breaks up, when you lose your job, when you're told you have a serious illness, or when a loved one dies, it's appropriate to mourn that loss. Feelings of sadness and loss are necessary to help you move on. I even went into a period of grief when my dog, Charlie, died. I loved that little guy and missed him terribly.
To suppress feelings of loss after a tragedy or to try to put on a happy face when that's not what's going on inside is dangerous. Psychologically, we need to grieve, and any doctor or pastor will agree with that.
Keep in mind too, that the human body is a very complicated organism, involving a mind that can affect our physical health. For many singles, depression or sadness is an almost daily battle, but it's nothing to be ashamed of. You should discuss it with your doctor and follow her advice, especially if she prescribes medication.
Contrary to what some pastors think, antidepressants are not evil. They won't turn you into a zombie, and if there were not a biochemical component to depression, they wouldn't work.
The worst advice you can follow is listening to someone who tells you to "snap out of it" or to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. That's callousness talking. No, go to your doctor and do what he or she says.
Happy all the time: moving on
It's equally important to understand that all grief needs to come to an end some time. We can be reluctant to move on and get on with our life.
One of our problems as singles is that we "catastrophize." We turn problems into tragedies that are not tragedies. Maybe we're miserable about not having a spouse, so we blow other disappointments out of proportion. We react to life's common ups and downs as if God or the world has a vendetta against us.
We turn problems into tragedies
that are not tragedies.
We get into the rut of the victim mentality and lose our perspective.
It may be a cliche to say that happiness is a choice, but it's also true. While we can't and shouldn't be happy all the time, we do have it in our power to be happy much of the time. That, it seems to me, is a realistic goal.
Peace and joy are possible
Even in tragedy, we can experience a sense of peace if we keep our focus on God. Frankly, it's impossible to accomplish on our own--but doable with the power of the Holy Spirit.
As Charles Stanley often said, we may get knocked off our feet temporarily by tragedy, but God stands ready to help us regain our balance. We can go through tragedy and grief if we place our trust in God.
I know this is possible because it happened to me in 2010 when I had prostate cancer. I don't give you advice unless I know it to be true. After I recovered from the initial shock, I had an enduring sense of peace while I fought that illness.
On some days, I was even happy! Imagine that. Peace can lead to happiness, and in the most unlikely circumstances. I learned during that time that even though I was ill, it did not mean God was mad at me. He was not punishing me for some wrong I did. Instead, he was supporting me through this hard time with his comforting presence.
He will do the same for you, too.
The takeaway from all this? Don't expect to be happy all the time.Don't even try to be. Instead, focus your attention during good times and bad on Jesus and his love for you rather than your problem.
You'll come away with a sense of peace and joy much deeper than happiness could ever be.
