Feelings of inadequacy keep many singles from reaching their potential


Feelings of inadequacy plague many single people, boxing them into a limited life.

But it doesn't have to be that way. Over time, you can overcome the belief that you don't measure up, empowering you live a happier life.

When you've felt inferior most of your life, it becomes an ingrained assumption, so embedded in your personality that it keeps you from trying. You tell yourself, "What's the use? I could never do that."

That's exactly what I told myself for years. When I was in high school, I thought of myself as a geek, a nerd who didn't fit in. My feelings of inadequacy were so strong that I didn't start to date until I was a senior in college.

Imagine my surprise at landing a beautiful, intelligent girl who appreciated me for my personality and my sense of humor. Of course I wasn't a ogre, but that's how I thought of myself for a long time.

I also believed that rejection would kill me. Guess what? It didn't!

There's nothing wrong with average

Most of us are pretty average, and we need to get over the notion that there's something wrong with average. There's not. But if you believe the cosmetics industry, the diet industry, the fashion industry and even the plastic surgery industry, you'll think that average is a curse.


We need to spend more time appreciating who we are, rather than trying to become someone we're not. Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with wearing nice clothes, finding a becoming haircut, dieting, or having your teeth capped.

But don't make yourself miserable because you don't look like a supermodel. I suspect that on the inside, many, many supermodels are very unhappy anyway.

If you've been beating yourself up all your life because you think you don't measure up, it's going to take some time to change. You can't erase that much bad mental programming overnight.

Oddly, some people have found that after they had plastic surgery and were transformed into one of the "beautiful people," they still didn't feel beautiful inside. That's an important lesson for the rest of us.

High self-esteem comes from the inside out. As you disprove your feelings of inadequacy, you'll feel your confidence rise.

A miraculous fact

Even God can't change your past, but he can do something just as miraculous: He can stop it from controlling you.


Too many of us look back on a traumatic episode or years of suffering and believe we'll never overcome it. We feel powerless to throw off the negative influence and break free.

But God wants to give you hope and a future. He loves you and will intercede in your life if you prayerfully ask him. Don't give up!

Take a look in the Bible at Judges Chapter 6. It's the story of Gideon. The Israelites had been oppressed by the Midianites so long they had given up hope. Then an angel appeared to Gideon and said:

“The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.”

If you are a Christian, the Lord is with you, namely the Holy Spirit. He has the power to break the shackles of your past, just as he did with Gideon.

The power of God in you is your secret weapon. He can help you overcome your feelings of inadequacy, just as he helped Gideon. And just as he helped me. Ask God for courage and he will supply it!

Beating inadequacy once and for all

I've said it in many other places on www.inspiration-for-singles.com, but it's worth repeating because it's true:

Our self-confidence and adequacy must come from
only one source: an intimate, personal relationship
with Jesus Christ.

"Ooooh," you may say, "I wish that guy would get off that! Does he think Jesus is the answer to everything?"

Yes, yes, I do. Feelings of inadequacy come from a problem with the heart, and the best heart surgeon you'll ever find is Jesus Christ.

Robert Magee says the same thing in his classic book, The Search for Significance. Once you grasp that truth and start going to Jesus for your self-worth, your feelings of inadequacy will eventually disappear.

This is so important that it's one of the few truths I repeat on this site several times.


So don't be fooled by your feelings of inadequacy. As a wise person once said, "Feelings are not facts." Just because you feel inadequate doesn't mean you are.

Each of us has God-given strengths and gifts. Search for yours and work to develop them. Ask God for help. Ask him to show you the truth about yourself.

You'll find, as I did, that you're much stronger, capable, and lovable than you ever dreamed.

Believe what God says about you


Sometimes you can't even trust yourself.

Each of us sees the world from our own unique perspective--but that doesn't mean it's accurate. As the article above points out, we can be wrong about ourselves.

Hope for Hurting Singles will help you see yourself as God sees you, and that's what really matters. It's an empowering experience.

Get a fresh start on life. Get Hope for Hurting Singles, $10.99 in paperback and $3.99 for the Kindle version.

Return to top of feelings of inadequacy.